Serving guests in the summer on our veranda at Fox Hall, for dinner parties of six to ten, is an enchanting experience as a hostess… everything tastes better somehow, no matter what I serve!
(Dress is Ala von Auersperg)
A darling subscriber brought up an interesting topic: the “unwritten rule” of reciprocating hospitality. Is it a lost art?
Reciprocation, a gracious social norm, involves returning a favor or invitation. It is an essential aspect of friendship. However, it is often overlooked in today’s society. I am speaking about social events, not business, and in particular, an intimate dinner party, not necessarily a large cocktail party or reception.
My subscriber shared her personal experience: she and her husband have invited and hosted several couples to their dinner parties, who seemed to enjoy themselves thoroughly. However, over time, to their surprise, these guests have yet to extend an invitation in return. It is not because they didn’t have a delightful time; they gleefully accepted their invitations on more than one occasion! Why?
I remember when a dear friend of mine, who has a very grand house and entertains on a monumentally majestic scale, confessed that “no one ever seems to invite me back.” Why?
Are people intimidated, or can they not afford to reciprocate? Reciprocation does not have to be extravagant. Whether it is a simple lunch, tea, or drinks & nibbles, there are various ways to reciprocate based on one’s budget and lifestyle.
Is it because people do not have time or cannot entertain in their home? I know a young couple with four children under four (two sets of twins!) who admitted their house is not a venue for entertaining (at this point in their lives). Instead, they invite guests to a restaurant or their Club. There are endless accessible alternatives.
So, why do people not reciprocate? It is a taught behavior, like good manners. The genteel behavior of “paying back” is a learned concept. So, perhaps some “just never learned and don’t know,” OR some “just don’t care!”… oh dear!
Grandmillennial tip:
If you meet someone for the first time at someone else’s place, and want to invite them over, invite the host of the party where you met them as well; it is a thoughtful gesture.
Not reciprocating can be perceived as impolite and ungenerous. Teach your children that when you accept an invitation, it is your duty to reciprocate in some way or form, in the spirit of generosity and mutual respect for others. We are so grateful to have charming friends who kindly reciprocate!
Let’s keep gentility alive and well… and not a lost art!
Xx
Holly
PS Please pass this along to your grown children too, as a reminder to reciprocate!